Why I DON'T like Christmas

Call me what you will...

If you've followed this blog for any length of time, you would have seen my Christmas posts from last year (click here and here and here and here). I really put a lot of work and effort into the holiday for my family and one would would never expect that I really can't stand Christmas. Yep. You read it right, I don't like it. I am also amazed at how personally people take this statement. "What do you mean you don't like Christmas?!" and "What's wrong with you?" We can discuss the latter for days and probably still get nowhere, ha!
The thing is, this is not a new feeling or anything, I've had a hard time with the holiday since I was a kid. I can remember many a Christmas I spent crying because I just hated it so. I have to hand it to my folks (and Mom especially) who did so much for us around the holidays and really showed me how to give back and make it special for us. As an adult, I have had an increasingly harder time every year to make it good for my kids and this year, I am having a horrendous time even doing anything at all. It's just so much work and the true meaning of the holiday is completely lost to the majority of the public. Maybe I'm going to have to break it down to get my point across:

1. Christmas = mass media feeding frenzy.
You need THIS, you want THAT. Celebrate this way, you are a bad mother if you don't get your kids that. It all boils down to guilt. I don't make much and I can barely afford to get my kids the bare minimum of what they need, let alone what they want. I want to be able to give so much more to everyone around me, who have loved me, who support me and I just can't. I can make things, give from my heart and I don't have the time to do what I want of that either. The whole situation makes me sad.

2. Past demons.
My ex-husband got me something for Christmas the year just before we got married and the year just before we split up. Nothing at all for the years in between. My man is good to me, he really is, but I have to spell out exactly what I want. We've been together for almost 8 years now and I would fall over dead if he were to give me something that he KNEW I wanted because he knew ME. I won't hold my breath though and I actually told him I didn't want anything this year. I guess we'll see.

3. The reason for the season.
If even half the people that celebrated the holiday put the emphasis where it should be (on Christ), I would be a lot happier about it. Nope, it is celebrated as a gimmee-gimmee day and that makes me sick.

4. I put in all the effort and see nothing in return.
Well, that's not totally true...my kids (my daughter especially) help out. I get paid in hugs and kisses and
"I love yous". I just wish I could get them more, nah, I just wish I could get them all of what they need. I bought clothes for my daughter at the thrift store yesterday because it's cold and she doesn't have much. My boys have just 2 pairs of shoes a piece and thank goodness my little on wears a uniform to school because he has nothing but ratty hand-me-downs to wear otherwise. It just makes me sad. They need things and are good kids and I can't give it to them.

5. Overload.
My work experience is in retail management. I have worked retail jobs for 15 years now. I get saturated with Christmas earlier and earlier every year. I worked C-store for 6 years and had one Christmas off in all those years. It really was just another day. See where I'm going with this?

Just 18 more days and we can forget about it until next year. Bah humbug. ;0P