Well Rounded

 

As a parent, I find myself doing for others much more than I ever do for myself. Picking up, taxiing around, making meals, homework help, not to mention working outside of the home. In a land of doing for others all day, it can be pretty easy to find yourself in resentment mode. You find yourself snapping at small children and dogs, the kids have taken to yelling, "Lookout!! Here comes the Momster!!" Your partner hides in the office for as long as possible just to avoid the bullets. You see? Resentment mode is not cool. I know being a parent is an often thankless job, but what can you do to avoid the resentment-monster and her rampage? Try this:

Accept help.

I am terrible for this. There are certain things I like to do myself and it bugs me when someone else "tries" to do them, but sometimes it is just plain necessary. Voice your concerns to your partner and be specific and make sure you aren't nagging when you do it. "Honey, I need you to put away all the dishes for me and reload the dishwasher...I don't have time to do it and I need some help." This approach is a lot more effective than, "Why doesn't anybody do this, but me?" Men and children cannot read minds, women pretend to although it boils down to being a little more observant. It may make you crabby to have to spell it out, but it is the best way to get things done and keep the momster in check. ;0)

Just say no.

This isn't just good for peer pressure, it is also good for zapping that mom-guilt. I think most moms struggle with it. You can't be everywhere and do everything (no matter how hard you try) and you beat yourself up over it. But, why? Your kids know you love them and I'll bet none of them are going to damaged irreversibly if you don't make their beds everyday, or make them walk home from school, or feed them PB and J for dinner sometimes. Change you internal dialogue from "I feel bad that I couldn't do this" to "I tried my best and that's all I can do". And while you're at it, don't do any of this overcompensation crap either. You get the kids things because you fell bad instead of insisting they earn them or you take them someplace extravagant and spend way too much. The best times I remember with my folks growing up were when we just spent time together. We played games and we enjoyed nature together and it was simple and that's what I remember most. Keep it in mind.

Do something just for you.

When was the last time you and your mister went on a date? When was the last time you did something that you love to do? Can't remember? Then you are about due! I try hard to do something just for me everyday, mostly because I just need it! I'll play my piano for 20 minutes or write a blog post or take pictures or paint or sew or sometimes the thing I want most is a nap and I'll do that! The kids get ornery when they have to do school stuff all the time, so where does it say the same thing doesn't apply to you? Exactly my point.

As for the momster, I'll try to keep her in check. ;0)